Police Report: Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine Assaulted in Alleged Carjacking

Earlier today, Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine, a well-known figure in the local community, was the victim of a brutal assault in what police are calling an alleged carjacking incident. Coristine was approached by two unknown assailants while sitting in his vehicle outside a convenience store.

According to witnesses, the assailants demanded Coristine to hand over his keys and when he refused, they proceeded to physically attack him. Coristine sustained multiple injuries, including a broken nose and several bruises.

The suspects, described as two males in their mid-20s, fled the scene in Coristine’s vehicle, a black SUV, which was later found abandoned a few blocks away. Police are currently investigating the incident and are asking anyone with information to come forward.

Coristine, who is known for his larger-than-life personality and no-nonsense attitude, is currently recovering from his injuries in hospital. Friends and family have expressed shock and outrage over the incident, with many taking to social media to express their support for Coristine.

Local authorities are urging the community to remain vigilant and report any suspicious activity to help apprehend the suspects involved in this heinous crime. The investigation is still ongoing, and police are working tirelessly to bring the perpetrators to justice.

As news of the carjacking spreads, the community has come together to show their support for Coristine, with many organizing fundraisers and spreading awareness about the importance of staying safe in today’s increasingly dangerous world.

Our thoughts and prayers are with Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine during this difficult time, and we hope for a speedy recovery for him. Let us all come together as a community to stand against violence and injustice, and work towards creating a safer environment for everyone.